Free of arrogance, confidence is feeling sure of yourself and your abilities!

What is confidence? Free of arrogance, confidence is feeling sure of yourself and your abilities. Confidence isn't being boastful or feeling superior to others, or believing others will like you. Confidence is being fine if they don't. Let's take this up a notch. What is REAL confidence? If you're honest with yourself and have real confidence, you have no doubt about your capabilities, perhaps even possessing a bit of swagger. In describing swagger, it is that air of confidence that commands a room when you walk in.

Having swagger is accepting your self-confidence and feeling self-assured with who you are. It is competence on display without trying to show how much you know. Someone with swagger doesn't need to have validation of their worth. They trust in their own values, truths and intentions, and their presentation of such is always clear to anyone they encounter. Having swagger isn't a self-proclamation. In fact, most people who possess swagger may not actually realize that they have it. If you relate to these descriptions, congrats, you are swagging! If you relate somewhat to or not much at all, not to worry, your potential for swagger can be untethered by simply being more aware of your level of confidence. Add courage to the areas of your life that you're not confident in and have a willingness to address your insecurities, you will soon develop a swagger. Let's summarize what real confidence looks like...

1. You don't require approval from others - you see what needs to happen and you take control of it. 
2. You are not afraid to fail - because you know that if you do fail, it will result in valuable lessons and experience.
3. You withhold judgement of others - you recognize that you may not understand what another's battles in life are or challenges they face.
4. When you smile you mean it - it's a genuine smile. You don't present a forced smile to acknowledge another's words or actions.
5. You're not afraid to remain silent - there is power in silence. It is the sound of strategy; the quiet before the storm of achievement.
6. You know who you are and what you want - knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom and when you know what you want so badly, you will find the ways to get it.
7. You don't reassign responsibility or blame - you and ONLY you are responsible for every decision you make, period!
8. You aren't hesitant to show weakness - life is going to test you repeatedly. Showing your weaknesses sets the table for you to enjoy your strengths.
9. You have self-respect - if you don't respect yourself, how can you ever learn to believe in yourself? If you don't respect yourself, then neither will other people.
10. You do not doubt your ability - doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
11. You are not bothered or distracted by what others think of you - what others think of you is none of your business!
12. You don't wait to lead - don't wait for something to happen, make it happen!

As you now understand the elements of swagger and real confidence, you've probably noticed these traits in some people you know. Let's take a closer look at some other qualities of a confident person. Observing and putting into practice some of these qualities will help you develop into a confident person.

A confident person...

1. Displays body language of confidence - upright posture, using hands and arms to guide their conversation and openness. A good firm handshake and direct eye contact is important.
2. Is engaged in listening - being genuinely interested in what the other person has to say.
3. Is well spoken - confidence doesn't necessarily require excessive talking, but when they do speak, they do so in a confident manner with clarity. Often a confident person upon entering a room will step back and observe the room, listening for the tone and content of conversation before speaking.
4. Is able to inspire others - often confident people are role models for others. Their actions and attitudes inspire others.
5. Is committed to personal growth - they understand that personal growth is a constant journey. Their commitment is to develop and nurture good habits. They grow by adapting new habits to relevant knowledge gained along the journey.
6. Is a model of consistency - they understand that being focused too intensely on just winning and not the process of growth and development toward winning can create the peaks and valleys of reaching a goal. And too often that results in a let down after a win, if achieved. The best time to focus on the next goal and next win is immediately following the success of reaching your prior goal. Not maintaining repeated consistency creates a rollercoaster effect. Instead, a confident person takes the experience from the last win, combines it with their abilities, actions and behaviors to pave the way to their next goal and win. 
7. Doesn't overthink situations - they can be susceptible to negative thoughts just as any of us can be. The difference for a consistent person is they don't over analyze situations and allow for the negative thoughts to hinder their progress of moving toward growth.
8. Ventures out of comfort zones - they understand that comfort zones are nothing more than being complacent with your circumstances. Nothing productive happens in your comfort zones. So, they simply act because they know that is the only path to growth. 
9. Has an attitude of gratitude - they realize the fortune they've experienced and express outwardly appreciation for their prosperity.
10. Is assertive, yet not overly aggressive - they stand up for what they think is right but done in a manner that is not upsetting or aggressive toward others.
11. Is humble - while you can and should be proud of accomplishments, confident people are also concurrently humble. It's about being secure enough to not advertise or boast about every success they've experienced.
12. Is charismatic - by nature they are compelling and inspire loyalty in others. Often, they present a first impression of power, which is not necessarily just physical strength, but more of a positional sense of well-being. Charismatic confidence also possesses warmth. Maybe considered more like a spirit of generosity and appreciation for others.

When you look, as we've just done, at what real confidence is and identify the traits that confident people possess, it's easy to see that this is an accumulative wealth of life experiences and learning from those trials. It's not that there is anything more inherently special about a confident person compared to any of us. They just understand the value of those experiences and have learned how to develop confidence to know that they have the ability and can develop into a confident and successful person. And here's the best part; you can do the same! To help set the path for this growth to becoming a confident person, next week we'll look at forming habits that lead to confidence and suggest some confidence-building activities for you to practice. Until next week...

Be inspired! Inspire others!